Nine Rules of Driving to Keep Other Drivers Happy

The Rules:

1)     Use your turn signal! There’s no issue with you exiting the freeway, but a nice warning as to why you went from 70mph to 35mph out of nowhere would be great.

2)      If someone lets you in, wave thank you! People have no problem throwing a middle finger in the air when they are cut off; throwing that same hand in the air with all five fingers up in appreciation shouldn’t be too hard.

3)      Plan your route.  You drive the same way to work every day, I know you do, I see you on the freeway.  So tomorrow, why don’t you get into your exit lane a mile or so before your exit instead of being like the guy who thought he was Edward Cullen in his Volvo and drove up the side of a hill to get on his off ramp because he waited too long to merge.

4)      Stop throwing cigarettes out the window! If you want to smoke that’s your deal, but let’s try not to burn down our communities in the process, ok?

5)      You don’t actually have to come to a complete stop in the road before turning into a driveway, in addition, see rule 1.

6)      Try not to drive like a complete Jack Face; it won’t get you anywhere any faster.  100 yards from now we’ll both be sitting at the same stop light.  Fact.  This especially applies to you if you drive a vehicle with identifying markers like fire plates, advertising, or outlandish stickers.  We will see you on the roads again.  Fact. 

7)      If you can’t drive the speed limit, drive like my dad……… in the slow lane, going 55mph, behind the semis, happy as a clown.  Otherwise you’re likely to be run over. 

8)      Get off of your phone.  Becky’s status update about her cat bringing a lizard into the house can wait. I promise.

9)      Don’t tailgate, it only makes people want to drive slower and increases your odds of a pretty sweet insurance claim.  And by pretty sweet I mean pretty sucky.

You're welcome. Now continue on your way, happy little drivers.